I thought I was ready to put this blog to rest and begin my journaling on other topics and other specialties. But I feel I am still at the same place with the same questions I had a year ago. So since I am clearly not finished yet, I forgive myself. I will forgive myself for being slow to learn and grow. I will also acknowledge that I am working hard to learn and grow. I will offer myself some praise and encouragement in times when I need it. I know that Real Love is simply Love. Love is not an emotion and when we feel our emotions are low or drained that is not failure at Love it is a Lack of Love. Lacking Love comes from inside of us and it is US not showing love to our fellow man. There are many people and children and groups and associations that need Love and Support. In fact, there is no possible way for any person to have "done enough" in any day.
I am struggling because I want Love but I want a kind of Love that I believed was real that probably isn't real. Sometimes I am trying to show affection or give affection and I feel rejected and that rejection hurts so much I want to close the door and go away forever. And so I feel Lonely, not in an emotionally needy way but just in a longing to be loved how I have always hoped to be loved sort of way. I bet many people reading this know how that feels. I can remember being a fairly young person (maybe 11 or 12 years old) and going to the library to read books about Love and what Love really was and whether or not there were special kinds of Love connections. The subject fascinates me and inspires me. Since I am still trying to get to the bottom of it all, I think I will embark on a project I was considering a while back. I want to interview people who are happily married and see what they have really been through in their marriages. I would like to see and hear the real scoop. I want to know if it's ok for your partner to experience long periods of not wanting to be around you or sleeping on the couch or just not seeing your point of view or understanding it at all. Can couples really survive that? Or are the happy ones able to avoid pitfalls like this? If so, how? How do successful couples really communicate? Is there yelling? Do you agree more often then you disagree? What external factors can turn your otherwise smooth relationship into a boiling pot? I really do want to know and understand.
If you would like your relationship to be a part of my study, please Inbox me at angelmarievangyzen@live.com
I am open to any and all input. In fact, If you would like to make a submission that I can publish either anonymously or with your name, Please enclose a 1 to 3 paragraph excerpt about what you think makes for a Healthy Partnership or Marriage. Be as specific and personal as you feel comfortable to be because speaking about these issues in general terms does not help us see what happens with real people. The real people are you and me and our real life situations and relationships. I hope you will help me learn and we can all learn together.
Sending you all Love and Blessings from my Heart,
AngelMarie
(Lilac Avonlea)
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