When I was a practicing Christian, I was taught about Heaven and Hell. Clearly if there were an actual place that could be called Hell, then there is an awareness of Hurt and Pain as part of the cycle of things. But the really dominant theme in this paradigm of Heaven and Hell is actually FEAR. Would you not agree that Christianity in the Bible is designed to create fear in a person in order to keep them on the "Right Path"? Are we cattle? Are we horses? Do we need to be whipped so we blindly march onward carrying our load in life? Where is the LOVE and HAPPINESS in that? I reject this paradigm completely. I completely and totally and wholeheartedly reject the idea of a Hell awaiting anyone who does not "DO" certain things to be "Saved". It is a lie...the GREATEST of all lies the Deceiver has used to blind us to the fact that WE ALL WERE CREATED TO LIVE A LIFE OF PURE AND TOTAL HAPPINESS AND LOVE....AT ALL TIMES...IN ALL WAYS. Pleasure is not Evil.
By now I have just pissed off half my readers. Feel free to stop reading because I am not done yet.
My life journey right now...at it's present juncture...has me closely examining my SELF LOVE. This is long overdue. I have found tools that I never realized existed and opened doors I never observed were even closed! When I started to be really OPEN...and TRUE to MY SELF...My real self, not my shell (EGO)...I saw who was really in there. I saw her. I remembered her! I saw the person I was supposed to be and wasn't Being. I could clearly make out the details of her life. Let me describe her to you because those of you who know me, probably see it too. And then do me a favor...those of you who know me...measure her up against the person you see me "Acting" like for the past 20 years...
I am AngelMarie VanGyzen, 37 years old and raised on a farm by a Truck Driver Dad who was also a Rocker/Biker and a Mom who was a Farmer/Fisherwoman/Hunter-gatherer/Mystic/Music Lover. I spent my childhood loving music, nature, and country living. I always wanted the white-picket fence and family. I love to drive cars...ride bikes, hike and do creative and expressive things like sing, dance and write. I believe I should be in a vocation (earning money) in some form as a counselor or teacher, minister or therapist...because I LOVE people and I LOVE to help and I understand how people can fix themselves on a deeper level than the average person. I WANT to take my kids all over the world...I am NOT a home-body. I DISLIKE television and prefer to be outside and on the go. I want LOVE...a loving partner who touches me and hugs me and supports me emotionally, understanding me deeply and really understanding the ABUSE of my childhood and now my adult life. This person would need to really be a deeply sensitive human being.
But the life I live has been full of SHATTERED hopes and myriad disappointments...much like my childhood. My (existing) partner does not act like what I described and I have the shell (outer casing only) of the white-picket fence and family thing I described. You see...every thought and dream forms a physical reality and what I did with my dreams and hopes was I created it the closest I could with NO LOVE FOR My own TRUE SELF. I was able to believe that I could have children and a home and a little home business...and so I got those things. But I was UNABLE to accept that ANYONE could truly LOVE me...Love ME...the REAL me. And so my vision was sabotaged by my subconscious mind. There is a movie reel running underneath your ( and my) conscious mind...in the deep recesses of the subconscious parts...that is the place where the correction MUST happen before you can become free of this kind of sabotaged thinking. If you want to love yourself, you must set your mind free. When you do this, you will discover the real self. Then the hardest part of all: You must allow your true self to become FULLY SELF-ACTUALIZED. What this means is, you must allow the love to flow from the sources where it exists and where it needs to go. You must learn to recognize when you are trying to block its flow and when you are resisting letting in. You must learn to trust certain people and situations that your EGO is telling you not to trust. Your eyes will then be open.
With open eyes and a soft heart, you will see how the people you sometimes have trusted and relied upon have this amazing ability to deceive you or lie to you or, misguided as they are...try to govern your life for you! For some of you this is occurring within a parent-child relationship and for others, within a marriage. For me...it is everywhere...it is all of these and more. I have Opponents and Supporters from the Circles of Family, Friends and Children and even strangers. How I recognize them is simple. Do they accept the REAL me that is now on the Surface of my life? Or do they reject me or any part of me? Let me be clear...My Decisions are ME. My Twin Flame is ME. My work is ME. My children are ME. My Home is ME. My Words are ME.
I am a patient individual. So if I get the feeling that someone is struggling to understand my changes, I do TRY first to answer questions and doubts...but if I recognize the Opponent is going to dominate any person, then I simply let go of them. In time, they may overcome the power the opponent has over them...but until that time, I move along to the next person in my life or who crosses my path and I offer them all the love I can and an opportunity to see my Authentic Self. If they can handle it, I have a Supporter. If they cannot, I move along. This is how we must maneuver if we are going to allow Love to Flow freely.
The Heaven and Hell Paradigm does not exist to allow freely flowing love. Therefore this concept was manmade and full of impurities. If you are living an inauthentic life and not experiencing what you Love...then you are already living in Hell. And here's something for you to bounce from: It is only as Miserable as you are willing to let it be! If you want to BE something else...then BE IT. If you want to DO something else...then DO IT. You can LIVE a completely and totally different life and it does not need to take years and years to make the changes. Just CHANGE. JUST do it....do it for yourself and for the Love of Self. You deserve every happiness.
Love Everyone and BE BLESSED!
AngelMarie
No comments:
Post a Comment