September 8, 2013
I am glad to be here...to be on this planet. I am grateful I made it this far...to 2013. I was Divinely selected to be here on this journey at this time in history. I am grateful to be Annika and Alex's Mom. I am grateful to have had the love of some fantastic Parental Figures. I am blessed to have intuition, abilities and insights. I am overjoyed that I am becoming more confident each day.
All of the darkness that has lead to me today, all of the Light has lead me to today...all of it is good. All of it is good. Sometimes it feels bad, but all of it is good. I hope and pray that as years come and go, I can maintain equilibrium, balance, hope and enthusiasm despite and everchanging landscape.
I have always loved this blog...My True-Love Blog. This Blog is the one I was writing when I saw a vision for what my life could be like, and what it ought to be. I was Captured by a Spiritual Vision of it...like a beam of lightning that passed though my consciousness and I was changed from then forward. Anyone who hears these words might think I am crazy. But this was my experience. It lead me to scary places...it brought me closed to people and also it caused me distance from people. I have been on this journey since January of 2011, I think it was....I remember it was January.
In this last year so much has occurred that I can barely make sense of it all and I prefer to stop thinking of things in accordance with a timeline because I feel the timeline makes no sense. I feel time makes no sense.
I thought I was on a journey with a partner. I thought I had found something truly unique. Now I do not know what I have found. I feel like going way down deep into a quiet place where I am alone and no one can disturb what peace may exist there. I feel that I cannot handle being a partner...having someone depending on me and I feel unable to be the best I can for them because for some reason I am just not good enough. I don't understand it...I don't understand why I am not good enough, I'm just not.
I know I can take care of myself. I know I can take care of my kids. But beyond that I just don't know anymore.
Maybe I am here to Love myself. Maybe that is my lesson. Maybe that is why I am here.
Lilac
